Don’t panic! Come back! This is nothing whatsoever to do with reworked crap TwiShite fanfic. Instead, it’s a pretty good anthology of stories on the theme of sex’n’gardening, and I’m very happy to be a stop on this book’s blog tour.
Over to Sandra Knauf…
How Fifty Shades of Grey Inspired Fifty Shades of Green
Let me say right off that I’m an admirer of E. L. James, the author of Fifty Shades of Grey. Any woman who makes it big in publishing, or any artistic endeavor, or any business for that matter, is worthy of admiration just for that. Further, I’ve seen her interviews. She seems cool! She seems fun. I like her. I feel we could hang out together.
But I didn’t “get” her book.
While I’m all about different strokes for different folks, there are some of us who find the whole dark/damaged/domineering prince thing worrisome. I’m one of them. That’s not our fantasy. We don’t want to be a “submissive.” We know our love alone won’t heal the wounded (the wounded have to want to do their own work). And, damn it, we don’t think it’s sexy to be told what underwear to wear. We’re grown women, for goodness sake! Equality—in the board room, in government, and in the bedroom. That’s how we get off.
So that’s why I scratched my head and squirmed in a not-good-way when I read some parts of James’ book. Women like this? I thought. Why?
The idea for Fifty Shades of Green started off as a joke. I wanted to turn the other Fifty Shades on its head, make the female the warped billionairess who was hot to spank, tie up, and control her virginal, less-monied, less-successful-in-every-way boyfriend. Since I’m a gardening freak and an environmentalist, I imagined her as a leader of some industry that was saving the planet—maybe solar power or green housing or electric cars. (She’d drive a Tesla.) She’d have a magnificent garden. A sexy outdoor paradise. It would be full of gorgeous flowers and vines and places to swim naked and secluded spots for BDSM sex . . .
The boyfriend would be made to do gardening work in the nude. Weeding for hours on his hands and knees . . . choosing a switch from a favorite flowering shrub for a lashing . . .
Friends thought the idea was hilarious, so I knew I was on to something. But I thought: did I just want to turn the tables? Changing genders would still keep it a pretty one-dimensional, predictable story.
Then I thought, what about a collection of naughty gardening stories? Not just one woman who takes charge of her life and sexuality, but many! It would not be limited to BDSM or even to male/female relationships.
I sent out a call for submissions and the dirty stories poured in. They came from all over the United States and a half-dozen other countries. The most talented writers’ imaginations were revealed in stories of off-the-charts deliciousness. A book was born.
I hope you’ll check out a sample, or, better yet, buy a copy of Fifty Shades of Green for yourself or for all your gardening friends. We think it’s fun, imaginative, and very, very sexy. And it might even inspire you to garden.
Excerpt from Fifty Shades of Green, “The Pulse of the Earth”
As the publisher, and the one who chose all of the stories in Fifty Shades of Green, I adore them all. However, the story of the priest/healer and the injured trader by Evey Brett, has a very special place in my heart. –SK
Andreas gritted his teeth. Cleaning the burns was painful, and now that his skin was healing the process was agonizing. “I don’t suppose you have more of that tea.”
“It’s too addictive; we can’t use much. I would be a poor healer to fix one problem only to leave another in its place.”
Andreas supposed that was true, but it didn’t make it any more bearable. He bore it as long as he could before begging Brother Jacinto to give him a break. The priest did, but all too soon started again.
By the time it was over, Andreas was breathing hard and covered in sweat. He bit his tongue to keep from screaming and swearing inside a house of worship. Brother Jacinto sliced the pad of a prickly pear cactus and laid the insides against the burns. The juice cooled the worst of the pain.
Brother Jacinto cleaned up his supplies with the same finesse as he doled them out. “Your burns are healing well. The discomfort should ease in another day or two.”
In a way, the good news disappointed him. The faster he recovered, the sooner he would have to leave. His heart ached at the thought of never seeing Brother Jacinto again.
“I expect you’d like a bath.”
His gut tightened at the thought of just how he was going to receive that bath, but he was tired of feeling filthy. “Yes.”
Brother Jacinto pulled back the sheet, dipped the sponge in the water and began. Whether it was because he couldn’t see or because Andreas was attracted to him, the gentle touch roused a response he’d be better off forgetting.
The water was cool as it sluiced over skin sticky and salty from sweat. Andreas fixed his gaze on Brother Jacinto, amazed at the placidity in his face as he worked. Yet, he was disappointed. It wasn’t right to expect anything from a priest he barely knew. Brother Jacinto had probably taken some vow or another to remain chaste. It wasn’t possible to have any sort of relationship, but that didn’t mean Andreas couldn’t fantasize about one.
He had no control over his body’s reaction when Brother Jacinto sponged between his legs. His cock was as stiff as a rod and utterly appreciative as the priest ran the sponge from base to tip and back down, tucking into the crevices around and beneath Andreas’s balls. Andreas closed his eyes, glad Brother Jacinto couldn’t see the heated embarrassment that must be creeping over his face.
The pressure in his lower body built to an unbearable level. Andreas breathed deeply, trying to still the tide of desire flooding him, but failed. Climax struck hard and fast. Spasms clutched his cock as he spilled himself over Brother Jacinto’s hands. Andreas groaned, half out of relief, half in shame from the inability to control himself.
Yet, despite the mess, Brother Jacinto’s face didn’t change. He continued to sponge Andreas clean with no apparent disgust or disapproval, and too soon, Andreas was washed and covered. “Thank you,” Andreas said. It wasn’t enough for everything the priest had done, but it was all he had to offer.
Blurb and buy links
Fifty Shades of Green is a garden of naughty delights!
Within our pages you’ll discover:
– Virile gods and their mortal conquests.
– A community garden’s secret (and very dirty) fertility ritual.
– An Edwardian dominatrix living out her sadistic garden fantasies.
– Student/teacher lessons in horticultural hotness.
– Young lovers seeking the help of green witches.
– A beautiful, blind priest who helps an injured traveler.
. . . and so much more.
Peek inside the garden gate.
(You know you want to.)
A dozen racy tales await.
Fifty Shades of Green is a collection of twelve delicious and erotic short stories with gardening themes. What you’ll find in these pages is hotter than the hottest pepper on the Scoville index of heat! And smart, not smutty. Well . . . maybe a little smutty.
To Buy Fifty Shades of Green (it’s on sale, just for you):
Author Bios and Links
Sandra Knauf has been a featured “Colorado Voices” columnist for The Denver Post and her humorous essays have appeared nationally in GreenPrints, an Utne Reader award-nominated garden writing journal. She has also been a guest commentator on KRCC’s (a NPR affiliate station) “Western Skies” radio show. In addition to Fifty Shades of Green, her publishing company has published six volumes of the garden writing journal Greenwoman, a young adult fantasy/sci-fi novel, Zera and the Green Man, and other works.
Evey Brett, the author of “The Pulse of the Earth,” has numerous sci-fi/fantasy and paranormal romance e-books published with Loose Id, Ellora’s Cave and Carina Press. She also has fantasy and erotica stories forthcoming with Lethe and Cleis Press.
FREE Sample Stories!
To sample two free stories from Fifty Shades of Green visit our Garden Shorts website.
If you sign up for our newsletter you will be sent “Seed” (our sexy story about a community garden’s secret fertility ritual).
To read “Phallus Impudicus,” (a tale about the horny god Pan’s visit with a lonely gardener) just click on the Fifty Shades SAMPLE! tab